The Bible Abridged
The Christian Bible: the book of stories and guidelines that shaped the western and, in a lot of ways, the whole world. And it's completely nuts. I go through the "holy" texts and retell the stories in all their crazy nonsense for the world to see just how nuts they all actually are.
The Bible Abridged
Ep 52 - Israel and Judah Unite.
•
Jay Winston
•
Season 10
•
Episode 2
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
As soon as General Abner died, two raider gang leaders decided to regicide Ish-Bosheth, making Israel temporarily king-less. Soon after, however, they all swore allediance to King David and poured oil all over his head. David thanked the raiders by cutting off their heads and feet and hanging their bodies up by his swimming pool.
David wasted no time and started fucking and killing as much as he could. He reclaimed Jerusalem and the Ark of the Covenant, and killed a bunch of people for no reason, as well as hamstringing a bunch of innocent horses. Then he got wasted, took off his clothes, and started dancing for the slave girls.
